People run for funsies?
As far back as I can remember, any time a coach, workout instructor, or partner says "run," my heart rate increases, I feel a lump in my throat, and the pit in my stomach feels endless.
I used to be confused to see people running on the side of the road smiling. "Are then eNjOyInG running?!?!" How?
When Crossfit became popular, I was hit with the same confusion. "Are people voluntarily getting their asses kicked and going back the next day?!?!" Why?
It wasn't until now that I realized why my visceral reaction to running or any high-intensity workout is anxiousness. I equate running and exhaustion to punishment. For my entire softball career, coaches disciplined my team and me by making us run until "they got tired." I knew if:
I was late - run
Forgot something - run
Didn't run fast enough - run some more
One time at FSU, we left equipment out, and our coach had us run so much that I couldn't feel my legs for a week and a half. My heart just skipped a beat just thinking about it.
On the other hand, when we did well as individuals or as a team, we didn't have to run; we got out of conditioning or abandoned the field altogether for a fun team bonding activity that required no high intensity.
These practices impact our views of conditioning and working out as a whole. For years we didn't have a choice or agency over what we would or wouldn't do with our bodies. We were at the whim of whatever the coach scheduled or demanded. This is slightly traumatic when you think about it, and the anxiety we feel proves it.
So what now? Now, those of us who retired from our sports have agency over our bodies and the choice to do whatever workouts we desire. I've chosen to be a low-impact girly. (Pilates, walking, and peloton workouts make me feel great) I'll run if I feel like it (trust me it's rare) but I'm enjoying the exploration of having and making choices for myself. While turning away what doesn't feel good within.
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