Let’s Get One Thing Straight: However You Give Birth, You’re a Damn Hero
Before we dive into the nitty-gritty, let’s get this straight—whether you give birth naturally, medicated, or via C-section, you are a warrior. You grew a human and brought them into this world, and there’s no hierarchy when it comes to how you do that. And while we're at it, there’s no hierarchy in how that baby was conceived either. IVF? Surrogacy? Adoption? Loss? Motherhood is real in all its forms, and your experience is valid—full stop.
But today, I’m talking to those of you who’ve asked me about my experiences with natural childbirth. What’s my secret? It’s not about pain tolerance or some superhuman strength. It’s about mindset. It’s about what I believe and where I put my focus.
Let’s rewind. Remember your worst-ever conditioning workout? The kind that made you question your life choices? Suicides, hill sprints, or maybe endless laps? I can still feel the dread of those 6 a.m. stadium runs, sleep still in my eyes as I rolled the dice to see how many I had to do. Twelve. Double sixes. And by the sixth time up, my legs were lead, my mind a mess, and I honestly didn’t know if I’d survive. By the ninth, I’m throwing up. But you know what got me through? I wasn’t thinking about the hell I was in. I was fixated on the end—the sweet, sweet moment of collapse, of catching my breath, of sinking into my pillow. When I focused on what came *after*, everything in the *now* felt less impossible.
I’ve given birth four times, three healthy girls, all unmedicated vaginal deliveries. Pitocin was involved for two, and I went in every time determined: no epidural. Yes, I felt the pain, but I regret nothing. I leaned into it, just like I used to lean into those last sprints when my legs were Jell-O. And you know what? There’s a power in embracing that pain, knowing it won’t break you.
Maybe I’m a control freak. Maybe I like proving to myself just how far I can push. But if you’ve ever endured that last grueling workout rep, you know exactly what I mean. It’s not fun. But you know it won’t kill you*. That’s how I look at labor—it’s the ultimate endurance event. And I’m not here to tap out.
I am positive this is how I looked after every conditioning workout. I would fall out on the grass, turf, or track, close my eyes, and feel the relief of not having to sprint again. This is me, one minute after Mira's arrival, relieved that I don't have to push again!
With my last child, labor technically lasted 32 hours. But here’s the thing: I don’t even *count* labor until it’s unbearable. I’m talking contractions that knock the wind out of you, when you’re past the 7cm mark and really in the thick of it. Like those athletes who don’t start counting reps until their muscles are on fire—that’s me with labor. I even ask the nurse to crank up the Pitocin because I know the harder it gets, the closer I am to meeting my baby. Bring it on.
By the time I’m actually in labor, I’m already mentally checked out of pregnancy. My pelvis? Done. Rolling over in bed feels like a full-on Olympic event. I’ve had it with the stretchy five-item wardrobe rotation. I’m already dreaming about the postpartum wins—sleeping on my stomach, walking without waddling, reclaiming my body. I refuse to focus on the fear, the pain, or the what-ifs. I convince myself it’ll be quick and smooth. Visualization is everything.
This mindset doesn’t just work for childbirth—it works for life. When you set your sights beyond the finish line, past the hard stuff, you’ll get through the pain. Focus on the good things waiting for you on the other side, and every hurdle along the way becomes just that—something to clear, not something to stop you.
*Let’s also take a moment to acknowledge the reality many women face. The maternal mortality rate in America, especially for women of color, is alarming. Too many women suffer complications or even lose their lives during childbirth. We can't sugarcoat that. Every birth experience deserves respect, support, and proper care. It’s a stark reminder that while childbirth can be empowering, it’s also risky, and advocating for yourself and receiving the best medical attention possible is non-negotiable. No one should have to fight for their life while bringing a new one into the world.
Here are some advocacy groups and resources aiming to address and eradicate preventable maternal deaths:
Morgan
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